Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
