Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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