I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
