i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
okay pat passed out under dana's car
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
