1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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