When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
