I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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