my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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