He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
