then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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