Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
