I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize