just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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