Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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