Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
