all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my being single is dangerous.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize