You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
