His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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