How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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