You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
