All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize