Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I currently don't understand fingers.
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