Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
