He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize