So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
