are you still at the devil's house?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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