Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
