is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize