just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
