Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
