...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
