I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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