she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
