We won't sleep together?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
