Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
