She tied me up with her honor cords...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize