she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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