I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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