Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
