I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
