this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
