I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize