it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
