So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
