I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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