he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
