I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize