The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
