Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
