she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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