Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
