Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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