so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
