I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
