i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
