Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize