you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
