I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
