I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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