party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
