This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
