There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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