On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
