for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
