I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
