I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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