It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
