Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Panties = found
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
