also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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