wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
