i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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