i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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