were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
