May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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